precious

Team Testosterone wrapped up in Christmas spirit

My kids are grown up now and as a consequence, Christmas has lost a lot of its magic. No more concerts and programs and activities. No decorating cookies or tree together this year. No awe at beautiful light displays or joyful singing. There's less anticipation. There's less hope. On one hand, this season requires less work and feels calmer. On the other, I'm wistful and a little sad. I guess that's what we do as parents, we enjoy this season by making it special for other people and our reward comes from watching their reaction and experiencing their pleasure with them. Sure, I can tuck into a Christmas movie or play holiday jams while I'm driving, but celebrating Christmas as a solo act is less satisfying. Perhaps my friends who are grandparents get to recapture some of those happy feelings, but I'm a long way from that stage of life. I've no idea if all that magic comes back for me someday or not.

The other day I took a long hike and I started thinking about Christmas and how flat I feel this year. Then I got to thinking about God and His gift of Jesus and it made me wonder if He looks at me the way I look at my kids. Like, does He think, I gave you all this great stuff--these fantastic memories and traditions! And look! I got you something really special! Here's this child for you to hold on to, yeah, right there in the manger scene, that's the one. This little guy will release you from your guilt and pain and suffering. Just take it! Take it and be happy!

People are crazy proud, which is why real Christianity (not to be confused with the Christian Nationalism or religion, I'm talking about FAITH in JESUS, which is completely different from these other things stamped with cross symbols and offering so little hope and love and grace and mercy) is so difficult for us to grasp. We live in a transactional world, our very survival depends on it, right? Man-made religions are based on human rules of reciprocity and rule following and retribution because humans lack imagination and supernatural wisdom to come up with anything better. Even a lot of Christians' faith gets bogged down by human expectations and logic. Pure Christianity defies human rules--it's simply about being loved so much that we are compelled to love others. Nothing else begins and ends with love, and nothing else extends infinite grace and mercy.

To show me truly humble, sacrificial love, God sent a BABY. Not a superhero. Not a warrior. Not a powerful king. Not even a martyr. Not a human with any greater status than me. He just gave me a plain old BABY. Babies are helpless, they require other people to take care of them or they suffer and die pretty quickly. They need a LOT of attention and protection. This got me thinking about my own faith in Jesus and how I forget about the BABY part. (Yeah, the sacrifice on the cross is major, but let's set that aside for a moment because this meditation's about Christmas.) If somebody hands me their baby, I take it with both hands, right? And I support its head because I know the neck is weak. I hold that baby close to my body, against my chest so it feels secure. I wonder at the little nipper, how it's so perfect with its downy skin and tiny fingernails and I marvel all of this baby's potential and the miracle of it. My impulse when I hold a baby is to take very good care of it because I understand it is precious and valuable.

(At this point I'm 2/3 through my hike and heading up a very steep hill. I've seen four deer and several squirrels. Birds chirp. Wind makes the tree branches creak and crack. My breath steams in the cold air. I unzip my coat because I'm sweating.) I consider how my faith started with God giving me a baby, and I wonder if I'm holding on to my faith in Jesus with great care and concern. Or do I toss it aside, fail to nurture it, forget to love it and marvel at it? This realization cuts deep. And then I start thinking how my faith started with a newborn, but it's also like a newborn because I don't know anything except I need to trust and learn as I go. (Yeah, now I've achieved a super messy comparison because the baby is Jesus and a gift and my belief all wrapped up together.)

The upshot is I figured out that I lost my joy because I was focused on the wrong babies. I got caught up feeling sad about my offspring who've grown up and how I can never go back and experience Christmas with them in that special way again. I totally lost sight of the baby I should always feel joyful about. I don't need to wrap myself up in Christmas cheer and make anything special, I need to be still and know that God's got me wrapped up in love and that's special enough.

Whatever and however you're celebrating this season (maybe you're celebrating a few different holidays), I hope your days and nights are full of joy and you're feeling abundantly loved.